


To See You

by all_new_wolverine



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Communication, Kirk thinks he's a top but he is Not, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Trans James T. Kirk, Trans Male Character, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:34:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23357065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_new_wolverine/pseuds/all_new_wolverine
Summary: James T. Kirk is always in control, including in sex. When he and Spock begin their relationship, he automatically slips into the dominant role, never thinking that there could be another option, or that he would like it. All it takes is one frank conversation about Spock's desires-- to be the one to make Jim fall apart for once-- for Jim to try it out. And once they try it, a whole new world opens up, for both of them.Or, a reversal of the trope "Kirk knows he wants to be submissive and needs to convince Spock to try dominating him, which Spock then ends up liking." I love that trope but I wanted to try out something else!
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 19
Kudos: 108





	To See You

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this during week one of social distancing. It hasn't been betaed and it's definitely not perfect, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! I'm thinking of adding in more chapters as they begin to explore the world of kink and power play, but we'll see! 
> 
> Also: Kirk is a pre-op trans guy in this! There is penetration and he uses the words "clit" and "cunt" and "pussy" to describe his genitals. He also takes off his binder during sex. I am trans myself so this is partially based on my own experiences. That said, it probably won’t do it for everyone, so skip it if it’s not for you!

Spock was not happy. Not that the Vulcan usually displayed an overabundance of positive emotion, but it was clear something was wrong. Before this funk came over him, he always gazed at Kirk for long stretches of time, making him blush and stammer—now his gaze slid away from Jim like oil from water. They used to stay up talking every night, tucked in bed together, relishing the new closeness they were allowed to have with each other. Now, he rolled over, his back facing Kirk to fall asleep almost immediately after they settled into bed. And Kirk didn’t know why.

So far, everything had been wonderful in their new relationship. Kirk loved Spock more than he had ever loved anyone before, and they were still only three months into their relationship. He couldn’t wait to see where it went from here. But evidently, not everything had been going so well for Spock.

Kirk tried to ease whatever was bothering him by making the sex even better. He wanted to rock Spock’s world, and would go to town on his dick, ears, fingers, and the rest of his body. Finally, he would ride his dick, enjoying the feeling of Spock inside his pussy, grinding down his clit on Spock’s body. This is how the two of them would come, gasping into each other’s arms.

One night as Kirk climbed off of him and padded his way to the bathroom to fetch cleaning supplies, he realized that this didn’t seem to be making anything better. As he slowly wiped the come and sweat off of Spock’s body and then his own, something clicked. “It’s the sex, isn’t it?”

Spock had his back turned to Jim as he had started doing after their sexual encounters. He raised his head slightly to gaze over his shoulder. “Jim?”

“That’s what you’re unhappy with.”

“That’s… you’re not a touch telepath.” Spock sounded shocked, in his own reserved way.

Jim smiled faintly. It didn’t feel good that Spock wasn’t happy with their sex, but at least he could still count on his own illogical human emotionalism. “I don’t need to be a touch telepath to realize something’s up.” He paused. “So, what is it? What’s, um, dissatisfying to you about the sex we’re having?”

Spock turned all the way over, eyes shining in the darkness. “It is not dissatisfying. I am quite satisfied with our relationship.”

“That’s not the same thing as being happy about the sex. So, what is it? Is there… a different way you’d like me to get you off? Maybe something unique about Vulcan biology? I’ve learned lots of different ways for getting different types of people and species off. I can learn your way, too.”

“It is not… I do not believe…”

Spock rarely stuttered like this. Even with topics that other people would consider awkward, he was straight to the point. Or, he would completely stonewall and avoid the topic. This was somewhere in-between, which Kirk was beginning to learn signified the things that were most important to him. The things that he wanted to be able to share but did not know how, the things that he was worried about being too shameful or scary to share.

“What is it, sweetie? You can tell me, I promise.”

“I do not believe you would find it desirable.” The tips of his ears turned green as he rolled onto his back to look at the ceiling.

“Why don’t you let me decide that? Just tell me what it is.”

“That would not be logical. You have already expressed interest in the opposite activity.”

Kirk propped himself up on one elbow so he was looking down at Spock. “Well, but if you’re not liking what we’re doing currently, then I can make some sacrifices, even if they’re not my favorite. I’m happy to do things that I don’t 100% love if it would make you happy.”

Spock peered up at him. “I would never desire you to not be 100% happy.”

Kirk smiled. “Sometimes relationships require compromise and sacrifice. And it sounds like you’ve already been making those in order to make me happy, so it’s time for me to do some of the same for you. So, tell me. What is it you want me to do?”

\---

What _did_ Spock want? The part of him still controlled by logic simply desired a complete lack of desire. It would be easier if there was nothing he wanted. But Spock _did_. And this particular want was unlike any he had felt before.

He… wanted to make Jim feel good. He wanted Jim underneath him. He wanted the other man responding to _his_ touches. He wanted to see him fall apart, make him fall apart, the way that he made Spock.

There was more to it, a depth to the desire that he had not yet let himself plunder, an urge to overpower, control, command. To make Jim beg. To mark him as his own. To be the one to make him scream and sob and plead.

But Jim was the captain. He was always in control, even in sex. He fell naturally into the dominant role when they fell into bed together, and Spock had never pushed back against that. He had merely followed Jim’s direction. And it wasn’t that he did not enjoy it—the things Jim did to him felt incredible. And he also wanted Jim to be comfortable, didn’t want to ask more of him than he was comfortable giving.

But he also wanted more. And here Jim was, waiting patiently to hear what he wanted.

“It is not that I want you to do something different to me. You are a very skilled lover and never fail to make me reach exquisite heights of pleasure.” He waited to see Kirk’s small smile before continuing. “It is that I want to do something different to you. I would… like to assume more of a dominant role in our sexual encounters.”

“Oh?” Kirk raised an eyebrow. “How dominant are we talking?”

Spock paused, aware of the implications of the question and not entirely sure what he himself felt. As someone propelled by logic, he understood there was a difference between wanting in fantasy and wanting in real life. He was not yet sure what category some of his fantasies fell into yet.

“I am not yet certain,” he answered finally. 

“Are you interested in BDSM type of stuff? Or do you just want to be the one to lead?”

“I do not yet know. All I know is that I want to see you succumb to pleasure the way I have succumbed to it under your ministrations. I… wish to see you let go. I wish to be the one to make you let go.”

Kirk let out a shallow, shaky breath. “Ah.”

“We of course do not have to switch roles if you are not interested in doing so. As I said, the sex we are having now is adequate. However, if you continue to sense any unsatisfied urges in me, that is where they are coming from.”

Kirk reached up to stroke Spock’s chin. “I… have never really considered being in the non-dominant role. I’ve always assumed the more dominant role. It feels natural and it’s… what people expect when they bed me. I mean, I’m a captain. And that’s what they’re looking for, a starship captain, James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise.” Jim nibbled his lip gently as he considered. “And I’ve never considered submitting in BDSM kind of role, not ever. I would have to think about that more. I… definitely would never have been comfortable doing it with any of my previous partners. But…” He looked at Spock. “I could be interested in trying it with you.”

The unexpected burgeoning hope Spock felt must have shown on his face because Kirk quickly added, “I can’t promise anything about liking it or not. But if there’s one person I would like it with it would be you. And I’m happy to try it. Especially just switching roles. That’s fine with me.” He smiled.

Something warm bloomed in Spock’s chest. This was already a lot of trust Kirk was placing in his hands. “Very well. Perhaps we can try simply switching roles next time we initiate sex.”

“Sounds good to me.” Kirk leaned over to give him a quick peck before snuggling into his side, pulling the blankets over him. “Goodnight, Spock.”

“Goodnight, ashayam.”

\---

The next day, Jim entered Spock’s chambers looking distinctly uncomfortable. Usually the captain was extremely relaxed around him, but today he remained put together, hands clasped behind his back.

“Captain,” Spock greeted him, looking up from his desk, where he was working on reports.

“Mr. Spock. Are you, er… ready for this evening’s activities?” He tried to pull of his usual easy swagger, but it was no use under Spock’s penetrating gaze.

“Affirmative,” Spock said, almost slipping into a smirk as he watched him. “And you?”

“Yes,” he said, already sounding a little breathless. He cleared his throat, releasing his hands from behind his back. “But, um, if I don’t end up liking it, we can always stop, right?”

“Of course. We can also pause in the middle or try something else. I will not make you do anything you are uncomfortable with.”

Kirk nodded. “Okay, then. Let’s… uh, do this then.” He put his arms down by his sides, trying his best to look relaxed.

“Very well.” Spock eyed his captain from his spot in his chair. Awe swept over him as he realized he was really about to do this. Jim was going to _let_ him do this. Or at least try it. Spock had been dreaming of taking the lead in their sexual encounters since before they had even kissed. There was much he wanted to do, much he had dreamed of doing. He would not, could not, do all of those now, but it was still… awesome.

He stood up, set down his stylus, and walked toward Jim, noticing the way his breath hitched and eyes immediately grew wide at his approach. Spock, paused, making eye contact before gripping his jaw. His hand was gentle around his chin, just holding him. Jim gazed back, eyes searching Spock’s, a bit unsure, but full of trust. Spock stroked his chin before drawing him forward until their lips were almost touching. Jim closed his eyes, a small shudder going through his body. Spock watched his face in wonder. He looked so… at peace.

Spock stroked his chin once more before peppering soft kisses along his jawline. Jim let out a shuddery gasp that went straight to Spock’s groin. Barely repressing a growl, he covered Jim’s lips with his own, claiming his mouth as he slipped his hand around the back of his head, asserting just a small amount of his Vulcan strength. Jim sagged against him, one hand coming to clutch at the front of Spock’s tunic as he kissed him back.

The feeling of his captain leaning against him for support made him feel more powerful and aroused than he ever had before. Taking a breath, he instructed, “remove your shirt.”

It was shocking how quickly and easily Kirk gave into Spock. He had expected himself to be resistant, to feel uncomfortable letting someone else take the lead, to have to talk himself into it for the sake of bringing Spock pleasure. He had _not_ expected to feel the immense wave of relief and _want_ as soon as Spock began walking over to him, to feel himself sag with relief as Spock wrapped him up in just a modicum of his Vulcan strength. He did not hesitate before taking off his shirt at Spock’s gentle command, leaving his binder on underneath. Spock stroked his torso, rubbing over his binder. “Would you like to keep this on or off today?”

“Off.” Jim’s voice was hushed, like the way he would speak in a place of worship, as Spock pulled the tight binding off of him. He rolled his eyes in gentle self-mockery as he raised his hands over his head, coughing, to loosen up after taking the binder off. When he was done, Spock smiled gently. Slowly, he placed his hands over Jim’s chest. Spock had never touched him like this before—Kirk had always been the one to get himself off, even during sex, and _wow_ it felt different to have someone else doing it, especially when that someone else was Spock.

Spock relished the feeling of Jim’s soft flesh against his sensitive digits. What should he do next? Perhaps…

Jim’s sucked in a breath as Spock’s cool digits brushed against his nipples. Experimenting, he brushed his finger back and forth over it, seeing if it would elicit a reaction. When Kirk gasped, some primal urge surged through Spock. Jim was pliant and soft against him and Spock could not help himself. He took the opportunity to push him up against the wall, dipping his mouth to place his mouth around his left nipple.

“Mm. Spock. Please…” The words were out of his mouth before Kirk could think about them. All he knew was that he wanted Spock to keep doing the things he was doing, to do _more…_

And Spock granted his wish. His thumb teased the other nipple lightly, brushing over the surface repeatedly, and Kirk gasped against him.

“Oh, Spock, _fuck_. That feels… so fucking good.”

Spock drew back from his kissing to observe Jim. His eyes were closed, and he was using the wall to keep himself up. He… Spock had no words for how he looked. He had no words for the feeling of being able to bring him to this point with only a few small touches.

Kirk fluttered his eyes open to find Spock staring at him with awe on his face. It was almost too much to take. “S-Spock. Please. Touch me, please.”

“I am already touching you, Captain.”

“No, you know what I mean.”

“I’m afraid I do not. Do you mean touch you here?” he placed a hand against Kirk’s forehead. “Or perhaps here?” He touched his elbow. “You will have to be more specific.” He raised an eyebrow.

Kirk tried to hold himself back, but as Spock dove back down to flick his tongue against his nipple, he couldn’t stop his cry of “please, Spock, touch my cunt, mm, _please_.”

Spock raised an eyebrow before moving his hands to Kirk’s cunt, still covered by his pants and undergarments. He pressed against it, relishing the muffled moans of the other man as pressed his lips together, trying to hold back his cries as Spock moved his hand in slow, firm circles. His own dick pulsed in his sheathe at the sounds and he was overwhelmed with a desire, a need to see Jim come.

He withdrew his hand, causing Jim to open his eyes. Spock stuck his fingers under the edge of Kirk’s pants, raising his eyebrows in question.

Kirk nodded. “Yes.” His head thunked on the wall behind him as Spock stuck his hand under Kirk’s clothing and undergarments.

The little whimper Kirk let out as Spock touched him was almost too much to handle. He rested his head on Kirk’s shoulder as he began rubbing circles against his clit, speeding up as Kirk began panting. Before either of them knew it, Kirk was coming, shuddering and clutching Spock’s shoulder for dear life. Spock murmured soothing, loving words as he worked Jim through his orgasm, then slipped his hand out.

When enough of his brain cells had returned, he looked up at Spock, still breathing hard. Spock’s eyes were dark and intense, yet Kirk had never felt more secure under anyone else’s gaze.

God, that had felt so _good_ but Kirk wanted, _needed_ more. He wanted Spock to fuck him here, press him against the wall and slide his dick in, fuck him until he came again, mark him as his own.

“Do you… do you desire to continue?”

Kirk looked at him, still dazed, partially from the orgasm and partially from the ferocity of his own thoughts. But he only needed a few breaths before he launched himself at Spock, kissing him fiercely, pressing himself against Spock’s firm dick and swallowing Spock’s own little sounds. Breaking apart, he looked at Spock in the eyes.

“Fuck me, Spock. Please. Take me right here. Against this wall. Fuck, I—I need to feel you in me, Spock. I need to know I’m yours.”

Spock’s eyes went black. And then he fucking _growled_. Before Kirk knew it both of their pants were off, and Spock had him turned around with his front facing the wall, dick lined up to his cunt. “You want this?” he hissed directly into Kirk’s ear. For a second, Kirk paused. Though Spock was incredibly turned on, he was also making space for Kirk o make a decision. Did he want this? This was unlike anything he had ever done before. But, yes, he wanted it. He wanted to be fucked by Spock, be taken by him. Mutely, he nodded.

Spock growled. “Use your words.”

Kirk nodded again but quickly followed it up with, “yes. God, yes.”

Spock pushed inside Kirk and Kirk moaned, leaning against the wall. God, if anyone could see him like this... Kirk was pushed into the wall with every thrust, and he couldn’t get enough of it. The feeling of being taken and used. He couldn’t get over the fact that Spock _liked_ seeing him like this, that he didn’t need to be in control to be found desirable.

Spock picked up his pace, slamming into Jim. When Jim tried to place his arm over his mouth to muffle his cries, Spock took it from him, unleashing a rash of cries and sobs, sounds that Kirk had never made before in his life. Threading their fingers together, Spock pinned his hand against the wall.

Spock’s hips began to stutter, and he reached his fingers down to the front of Kirk to flick against his clit, making Kirk cry out and curse.

“Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck, yes, please Spock, take me Spock, please I’m yours I’m yours I’m _yours—”_

Barely cognizant of what he was saying, Spock bit at the juncture of Kirk’s neck and shoulder and growled “ _mine._ ” And in just a second, Kirk was coming for the second time, leaning his forehead against the wall as he whined, and Spock was filling him up with his own come, marking him as his, _only_ his.

It took several moments for Spock to come back to any semblance of control and logic. Slowly, he pulled out of his captain, appreciating the red marks on his ass where Spock had slammed himself against him. Jim was trembling. Even after Spock stepped back, Kirk remained, hands pressed against the wall, looking at the floor. For a terrifying moment, Spock worried he’d gone too far. He’d somehow misread something, crossed a line—

But then Jim looked over his shoulder, a tentative smile on his lips. In his eyes was the same concern that Spock felt—that he’d somehow gone too far, exposed too much. But he had not, and Spock wanted to reassure him of that. He stepped back in, gently guiding Jim to turn around. Jim went easily, folding himself into Spock’s embrace, avoiding his gaze. Instead of demanding that Jim look at him, Spock placed a kiss on his head. And that was when Jim began really trembling.

Before he knew it, hot tears were slipping down his cheeks, his nose full of snot. His body shook as he cried into Spock’s arms. He couldn’t believe this was happening, didn’t even really know why it _was_ happening, could almost feel the worry radiating off of Spock, and he knew that he was making the Vulcan doubt himself and everything that had just happened, but he couldn’t stop. Spock, to his credit, did not ask a million questions as he was wont to do when confronted with an emotional display. Instead he stood and held Jim, stroking his hair, demanding nothing but his presence and truth.

Eventually, Jim was able to calm down enough that he pulled back, grabbing a tissue from nearby. After he blew his nose, Spock inquired simply, “Jim?”

“I’m sorry, Spock,” Kirk said, rubbing the tissue against his nose. “I just, um. Really liked that. And I wasn’t expecting to, at all. And I just—” Fresh tears squeezed out of his eyes as he was overcome again. Strong arms wrapped around him and guided him to the bed. “Thank you. That was so fucking hot and I’ve never had anyone let me experience anything like that before, I’ve never had anyone see that I could be anything other than entirely in command, I--.” He paused, looking up at Spock. “I’ve never had anyone see me like you do before. You see parts of me that I didn’t even know existed. You make space for me to be all of me, not just the me that everyone wants me to be.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Thank you.”

Spock’s heart pounded in his side. He said the only thing he could, the only thing that was true. “It is an honor to be able to see you.”

After a long shower, the two of them dressed in pajamas and crawled into the bed. Kirk wrapped his arms around Spock, who rested his hands where Kirk’s arms held him. He placed a quick kiss on Jim’s palm, which Jim responded to with a kiss on the back of his head and a murmured “goodnight.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!! Please do leave comments, I love love love reading them!


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